The Gaslight Chronicles
Another home-brewed piece à la The New Yorker’s Shouts & Murmurs column — from the archive, Jan 2019
July 19
It all started when I was buying some things online, and check-out was failing. I call customer service, and they’re like, You have to enter the address that goes with the card. I’m like, But I need to enter my address, where I want it shipped. And they’re like, Aren’t they the same? So I explain that no, it’s my cousin’s card, which she lent to me, and they’re like, Put her on the phone, and I’m like, I can’t she’s not here, she’s in Hawaii, and this is her emergency credit card that she keeps in her dresser drawer. When she gets back, I’ll tell her that she’s lending it to me. They refused to help me! I’m like, Fine, I know when I’m being gaslighted. I’ll buy my bulk medjool dates from another Turkish goods wholesaler.
July 22
I swear, gaslighting is an epidemic! Today I popped in on the Whitney Museum’s director to see if they had realized yet that the world needs to see my series of watercolors of Pelham Bay, and the lady’s like, I’m sorry, ma’am, in reviewing your submissions we noticed what appears to be some of Turner’s landscape paintings visible beneath your work. I said, I told you in the cover letter not to view them in direct light. Totally gaslit! Some people are just obsessed with gaslighting…
